Musings

It has been 9 months and the pain is gradually easing off. Although the occasional off day still occurs once in awhile. As is the case with all wounds, the scars remain.

For the first 4 months, it really felt so terrible. I wanted to cry everyday when I woke up. Thank you to all those who cared and listened to me cry, it might not seem like much to you but that was what kept me going.

Subsequently, between the 5th to 7th months, the rage, anger, despair and loneliness settled deeply in my bones. It felt too much to bear and I really hated the pain so much.

Lately, it feels so much better. I feel more calm and level headed. The tears don’t threaten to overflow at random moments anymore. Pretty soon, it will get to the stage where I don’t feel anything anymore.

Although the scar will remain, it will no longer bring me anymore pain.

Once in a lifetime

At this moment, I can’t quite exactly tell what it is I feel.

Nostalgia? Regret? Sadness? Fear?

My one and only final this semester will occur in a week from now and that will mark the end of my 16 years of schooling (Still have to wait for the release of exam results – fingers crossed – and attend commencement).

Suddenly, I am torn between not wanting to leave but at the same time I just really want to get very far away from everything right now.

Things only happen “once in a lifetime” and it feels so indescribable to have experienced four years just like that.

I really did not expect any of it to happen. From twelve to sixteen to eighteen to twenty-three, these key ages that marked the transition to new life stages. It feels so strange.

What would I not give to go back to the time when I was eighteen and make a few changes?

I can’t.

What am I going to do now so that I don’t have the same regrets in future?

I don’t really quite know yet.

Thank you

Wishing you all the happiness in the world, thank you and this is  goodbye.

Last of the last

It’s crazy how time flies, in blink of an eye, it’s ALREADY the second last day of school (I still have one final but shall have to focus on handing in my essay first).

With the end of each and every class, presentation and assignments handed in, it strikes me that I will never again tread the familiar pathways here in NUS. I won’t be seeing my peers in the same environment anymore. I am not nineteen anymore.

Cliche as this might sound, it really seems like it was only yesterday that I received my acceptance letter.

There’s a quote that I read somewhere off the Internet, I cannot recall exactly how it goes but it has to do with how each and every moment that we experience soon becomes a thing of the past. Every second, minute, hour, day, month and year that slips by us can never be relived nor re-experienced.

Sometimes we yearn for permanence and stability but how then would we ever learn to cherish what we have?